A Million Little Pieces

I realize that it has been quite a while since I posted anything on here especially considering that I promised I would post special memories of Chris. But up until this point, I was just not ready. Every time I started writing a new post I would stop just short of posting. I apologize in advance for any grammatical or stylistic errors. I really wanted to write this but am in a rush as I am trying to study for last semester's finals.

I think the grieving started for me a little later than normal because I was trying to hold it together through everything. Before the visitation and funeral, my family and I wondered how we would ever have the strength to get through such a thing. After the visitation we all talked about how it wasn't as hard as we thought. It wasn't as hard as we thought because I know God was carrying us through all of that in the palm of his hand. He instilled us with extra strength so that we could give Chris the proper burial he deserved.

The first time I came to visit Chris I stayed for about 4 days or so (it's all really a blur). At some point my parents decided that he was doing better and it would be ok for me to leave to go back to school. So I did. I was in the middle of studying for finals so I kept my phone on vibrate while in the library. One night I forgot to take it off vibrate (I know you are probably thinking how I could forget in such a situation but my mind was in a million different places). The next morning I woke up at 9:30am finding several missed calls from my dad starting at 7:30. I braced myself as I called him back for the worst news possible. He said I better come to Columbus, that Chris was not doing well. I flew out of my apartment, flew down back country roads in rainy weather thankful that my brother was still here with us when I arrived, even though just barely. As I arrived into town my brother had survived a very high risk transfer to another hosptial. It was considered high risk even though the hospital was 3 blocks away. That is how unstable his condition was. Later that night, as we were sitting in the waiting room a nurse came down the hallway with a grim look on her face. All of this was like something out of a movie. Every time a nurse or doctor came down the hallway you braced yourself for the worst and the worst news is what she had: Chris was rapidly declining. And my sister was still in Ecuador. As my mom, dad and I walked down that hallway embracing each other before going into see Chris all I could think was that we would never all be together again. The last time we were all together was a little less than a year ago at Christmas. My favorite times and memories are of the 5 of us being together, just us, enjoying a good home cooked meal and some wine. And in that moment my heart broke into a thousand different pieces. More hurtful than the worst break-up, something you've never felt until you have experienced it. But my brother yet again gave me another speical gift...he hung on and survived that night and kept surviving until Lauren arrived...and he even held on some days after her arrival so that we could all have time together. And even though it wasnt our normal dinner table discussion and laughter, we were together as family. And on the night of Chris's passing as my mom, dad lauren and I surrounded Chris bedside holding his hands, singing to him and ppraying together, I felt like my family had never been so close before as we were in that moment. But i was so saddened that this was it, our last moments as the family we had always known. My heart remains in a million little pieces and I suppose that it will for a long time. But God sends my family and I messages that one by one help put the pieces back together. For much of this time my thoughts were consumed by the fact that we would never all be together again...until the other day when I had revelation: that was not the last time we will all be together again. We will one day all be in Heaven--in our real home--together enjoying a home cooked meal far better than any of us could ever imagine and lauging together into eternity. Chris just happens to be the first to get there.

Chris was always special to me. And as I got older he became an amazing friend to me as well as a brother. Since his passing, as I stated earlier, he has given me so many wonderful gifts. Most especially, he renewed and made stronger my relationship with Jesus. God has sent my family and I so many messages to let us know that Chris is there with him. Here are just a few:

In my room at my parents house I have a vanity table and on it there are several little poreclin figurines I have collected throughout my life, one being an white Angel that has very little box on the bottom that opens and closes. One day after Chris' passing I was sitting there geting ready to go somewhere and I stopped for a moment to think about everything. I looked at the angel, not remembering who had given it to me. I picked it up and opened the box. Inside was a tiny piece of torn off line ruled school paper. On the paper it said, "I love you, Aunt Hazel 1998." My dear sweet Aunt Hazel was my grandmother's sister and a godly woman. She had passed about 3 or so years before. Here, I had this angel for over 10 years and never once had I opened the little box. I know my Aunt Hazel is with Chris in Heaven and I felt like she was speaking out to me saying "I love you, he is here with me and everything will be ok."

On another occasion, right after the funeral something else happened. Around the time that my grandfather was very ill and soon before his death, my mother brought him a little plant (prob in 2006). She was there often with him so she took care of it and after his passing she brought it back to Troy. For four years she cared for this plant watering it and making sure it had proper sunglight, so she alwasy wondered why it would never bloom. She kept the plant in our big pantry (which has a window). Soon after Chris's passing she was in and out of the pantry and noticed to her surprise that the plant had finally bloomed. After four years there was finally a flower. That is the picture you see above. I think it is yet another sign from Heaven.

And lastly, the other night I had a very strange dream. I dreamt that Chris came back from Heaven. He did not talk much but he did tell us that he had come from Heaven although he couldn't tell us why. Most of the time he just say quietly and stared at us, but his gaze was very distant and he looked very unhappy to be with us. We tried asking him questions like what was God like and what was heaven like but he would not respond. The entire time he looked as if he wanted to return to where he had come from. After one day, he vanished. The next morning I woke up and vividly remembered this dream and was very disturbed by it. I reached to my daily devotional, as I normally do in the morning. Currently, I am using the Morning and Evening Edition of Grace for the Moment: Inspiration for each day of the year by Max Lucado (it's great, I highly recommend it). I was on schedule with the devoational so I turned to that mornings devotional and this is what it said:

"Made for Heaven"

My kingdom does not belong to this world. John 18:36

Unhappiness on earth cultivates a hunger for heaven. By gracing us with a deep dissatisfaction, God holds our attention. The only tragedy then, is to be satisfied prematurely. To settle for earth. To be content in this strange land...

We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are "like foreigners and strangers in this world" (1 Pet. 2:11)....

And you will never be completely happy on earth simply because you were not made for earth. Oh, you will have your moments of joy. You will catch glimpses of light. You will know moments or even days of peace. But they simply do not compare with the happiness that lies ahead.

-Max Lucado

I was disturbed by that dream because Chris seemed so unhappy being with us yet I was glad to know that he came from Heaven. As you can ascertain from the devotional above, Chris was not happy here because he had already been to Heaven and seen what true happiness is. Our God works in such mysterious ways. I think it was no coincidence that this devotional was for the morning of January 10, the morning after my dream. After reading that, I no longer felt disturbed by that dream. I just realized that Chris has arrived at our real home and knows a happiness that none of us on earth have yet to experience.

Father Charles' Homily

I wanted to re-cap what Father Charles said so eloquently about Chris during his homily. It's not a direct quote...just what I can remember from that day.

Father Charles told a story about Chris from when Father Charles, Chris and several others went hiking on the Appalachain Trail for a day or two. He said Chris would be hiking with the group and then pass them and be the first to see the beautiful scenery along the trail. Father Charles said he knew Chris had reached a great view by look of awe and amazement on his face.

Chris is ahead of us with our Heavenly Father seeing beautiful scenery that none of us have evern seen before. I look forward to the day when I may be able to enjoy that beautiful scenery with him.

The Highwayman

Below is a link to a live performance of one of Chris' favorite songs "The Highwayman" by the Highwaymen. Greg read some of the lyrics in his eulogy. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw1bHaUk1CM

New Beginnings

Below is a sermon by Father Thack Dyson about new beginnings. Father Thack was the priest at St. Marks before moving to St. Paul's in Daphne.

http://www.stpaulseasternshore.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=Yc08myT%2bJWw%3d&tabid=154&mid=719

While my family and all of us who knew and loved Chris are still grieving and will be for months, this sermon sends a message that after we have grieved, we will all start new chapters in our lives. Here is an excerpt:

"As believers of the resurrection, we perceive the conclusions of their last earthly chapters of life as only the beginning of a new chapter for both of them---an endless chapter with God. But their deaths are more than that. They also usher in the beginning of the new chapters in our lives without them. These kinds of beginnings can be very hard for many of us [...]The reality, however, is that everything, including life as we know it—both the good and the bad—will never be the same. From this day forward, for everyone, life will never be the same. And sometimes, some days, that knowledge can really hurt. But as people of faith, we also know that what hurts us, if we acknowledge it, can also heal us. If we can honestly face the painful endings of our lives and deal with them, we are thus liberated to embrace the new beginnings that follow."

Chris' Eulogy

Here is a copy of the eulogy which was given by Greg Spence, one of Chris' best friends. Greg was an amazing friend to Chris. He was right there with the rest of us into the wee hours at the hospital day in and day out. Thank you, Greg, for all that you did for Chris and our family.

Eulogy for Christopher Clarke Patterson:

Today, we’ve gathered together to cherish the many memories of Chris Patterson, a dear son, brother, nephew, cousin, and friend. Though the many paths we’ve taken with Chris by our side originate in different times and different places, they’ve finally converged here, in this single, blessed celebration of his life.

Chris was first led on these paths by his parents, Doug and Lisa, who instilled in him the hard-earned values of love, kindness, determination, and faith. Like twin pillars, they have supported him at every stage of his life: from his early days in Talladega and Troy, to his more recent times in Phenix City and Panama City. In his sisters, there are also reflections of Chris; in Lauren, his restless, adventurous spirit resides; in Natalie, his persistent drive for success.

My path with Chris began six years ago, when I first started teaching English at Chattahoochee Valley Community College. Within months, we’d become fast friends. We would spend countless hours catching up, chatting about everything under the sun. After gradually getting to know him better, I marveled at the range and depth of Chris’s interests. In the course of a single conversation, it wasn’t unusual for us to discuss:

Music: Chris loved music, especially acoustic guitar songs.

Movies: He had a special passion for disaster movies. If the movie involved zombies taking over a small town or a meteor plummeting to earth, you can bet that, on opening night, Chris would be sitting in the front row of the theater.

Television: Chris avidly watched episodes of Curb your Enthusiasm and loved The Office, in large part, because he was living it every day at C.V.C.C. He came across a whole cast of characters there.

Books: He would always pick up the latest Dan Brown thriller or spy novel. My own personal favorite was one entitled “Marketing to Women: How to Understand, Reach, and Increase Your Share of the World’s Largest Market Segment.” Apparently, Chris wasn’t only studying Economics while enrolled in Business classes at Troy.

Chris can be admired for so many reasons:

He was kind, even-tempered, gracious, and always modest.
He was calm in the midst of crisis, like the eye in the center of a hurricane.
But most of all, he was an extraordinary listener. When you were in Chris’ presence, a solemn hush would fall over the room: that was the sound of him listening to you.

Working with Ms. Cynthia Floyd in Student Services, Chris managed literally thousands of students and advisees who arrived at his door, which was always open. He registered them for classes, instructed them in Orientation courses, and guided them in student organizations. More importantly, he played an indispensible role in shaping and directing each student’s future.

All his life, Chris was a fighter. In the last few weeks, he fought harder than he ever had. His numbers were down, but with the help of his loved ones we rallied to his cause, stirred him with our words. We called him by many names: son, brother, nephew, cousin, friend, “Christopher,” “Chris,” “Christo,” “Bigfoot,” even “Rambo.” And as we called him, he listened to us, he responded to our call, and he climbed back to the top.

I know that Chris has ascended to heaven, where he is at peace with our Lord. That state of constant, peaceful calm was always in his nature, after all. He’s at home now. You can call on him any time there, and he will respond.

A little over a year ago, Chris sent me an email. In it was a brief message and a link to a live performance by a band that he loved. The brief message read: “don’t know if you’re into The Highwaymen. Here is one of their songs. One of my favorites.” Listen carefully to the songs’ lyrics and you’ll hear echoes of Chris’ voice:


I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide.

And with the sea I did abide.

I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico.

I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow

And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed

But I am living still.


I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide

Where steal and water did collide.

A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado.

I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below

They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound.

But I am still around…I’ll always be around…

and around and around and around and around.


I fly a starship across the Universe divide

And when I reach the other side

I’ll find a place to rest my spirit if I can

Perhaps I may simply be a single drop of rain

But I will remain.

And I’ll be back again and again and again and again.

Address for Memorials

Donations to The Chris Patterson Student Services Support Fund may be sent to the following address:

Chattahoochee Valley Community College
c/o The Chris Patterson Student Services Support Fund
2602 College Dr.
Phenix City, AL 36869

Thank you.

Directions to Green Hills Funeral Home in Troy, AL and Elmwood Cemetery in Birmingham, AL

The address to Green Hills Funeral Home where the visitation and funeral will be held is:

1621 South US Hwy 29
Troy, Alabama 36079

For a map, please visit their website at:
http://www.greenhillsfuneralhome.net/?page_id=22

Here are directions from Green Hills Funeral Home in Troy to Elmwood Cemetery in Birmingham where the burial will take place:

1. Take a right out of the funeral home
2. take exit for 231 North
3. Turn right on Taylor Rd in Montgomery
4. Merge onto I-85 S via the ramp to Downtown
5. Take exit 172 to merge onto I-65 N toward Birmingham
6. Take exit 258 for Greenspring Ave
7.Turn left at Green Springs Ave S
8.Turn right at Martin Luther King Jr Drive
9. Elmwood cemetery will be on your left